Continuing along the poor me, my heart is so fragile tangen; Maybe myself, and others with the same problems of the heart, should get out of our heads. I think I have spent far to much time worrying about finding someone to love me and consequently never learned to love myself. Which you might be happy to hear is changing abruptly. I have also spent WAY to much time trying to be what I think others want me to be, and that is changing not so abruptly. Only recently have I realized that I am not exactly dumb, nor am I unattractive and despite my rage issues I am pretty easy to get along with:) And how, you may ask, have I come to all of these startling conclusions?? Well, it is a little unknown form of therapy called Xander Brody. Now instead of focusing my energy on all of my shortcomings I get to raise a sweet little boy. This may not sound like the best compensation to some, but let me finish.
The opinions I have formed of myself have pretty much been flushed down the toilet. I am Mommy and at this point I am great. And yes, I do realize that eventually there will be times when he isn't so fond of me, but so long as I can create a creative, nurturing and constructive enviornment for him..I don't need to be his best friend all the time. I know the kind of ethics and values I want to instill in my son and regardless if they conform to social norms or not, I am confident that I can raise him to be fearless, selfconfident and intelligent. So, for once in my life I have created something perfect. HE is perfect. And for once in my life I am confident that I know what I'm doing. It's not about me anymore, not directly anyhow. That's enough philosophical introspection for today........................................