At this point there is no way that this post is going to be anywhere close to coherent. I'll just say it before I even start.........

The holidays are great because I always get to go to Kentucky and see my family, but the holidays are also incredibly stressful because I usually have a million other things going on that need to be strategically coordinated.

This year seems to be worse than any other. I find myself thinking about Mom quite a bit. It's not that I don't normally think of her, but lately it's been what I would call uncontrollable. I don't know if it's the stress of the past few months that's bringing this on or if it's the reality that she is gone that is causing all the stress.

Since February I've gone between being numb to feeling all out despair. I've also known that it is only going to get worse before it gets better. I hope this is the "worse" part.........
I'm not trying to worry anyone. This is a normal as far as I can tell. I think that I just want to say that I may be even less accessible than normal for a while. I feel pulled in a million different directions and I will admit that it's taking a toll on me. I haven't been me lately. I haven't been the best friend, sister, daughter, mother, niece or anything lately......and I need to regroup. I need to deal with things on my own...figure them out on my own....refocus.

And I'm pretty sure all of what I need to do starts with Mom.


So, that's that.